First, some perspective: If we menstruate, it is likely that about half our lives will happen post-menopause. Long time, right?

Of course this interval will vary depending on our overall health, genetics (our age at menopause is likely to be similar to our mothers’ and grandmothers’), and many other factors. But the average female lifespan in the US is around 81 years old, and the average age at menopause is 51. That’s 30 or so years. If you’re over 30, think of everything that happened in your life until that age, and consider that your post-menopausal time can be even more replete with learning, personal growth, and, yes, deeply fulfilling sexual intimacy.

Menopause, Libido and Desire

Now that we’ve hyped menopause for all that it signifies, let’s transition to some of the potential changes that may alter the way you relate with your body. 

During our reproductive years, our ovaries pumped out estrogen every menstrual cycle right before we ovulated. And to understand how to address some menopausal bumps in the road, it helps to know what estrogen was doing for us in the first place.

• Keeping up the blood flow. Estrogen dilates your blood vessels, and increased blood flow to your vagina helps it stay healthy and lubricated.
• Raising your libido. Many reproductive-age women have an increased interest in sexright around the time they ovulate — when their estrogen levels are highest.
• Keeping the pH low. Estrogen tells your vagina to secrete glycogen, which feeds beneficial bacteria. These lactobacillus bacteria make lactic acid, which keeps the pH low and protects the vagina from microbes that can cause yeast infections and BV.  (Note: These aren’t the same lactobacillus you find in yogurt, but they are very closely related.)
• Protecting the urinary tract. Estrogen receptors are spread throughout the vagina, bladder, urethra and pelvic floor. Up to 70% of women with urinary incontinence experience its onset at menopause.  Estrogen also helps protect women from urinary tract infections.

So in addition to impacting whether we want to have sex, lower estrogen levels can contribute to several other ways that sex might not seem like an appealing prospect. It’s hard to get enthusiastic about sexual intimacy if we know it’ll hurt.

But keep in mind – this is a “pause”. It needn’t be a stop. And a fulfilling sex life can be a powerful tool in a crone’s magic kit – keeping us connected to our vibrant, vital innermost selves, whether we’re alone or with a partner.

Sex, Pleasure and Resiliency

Pleasure is good for the soul. It also builds resilience, supports immunity, and keeps us connected with these amazing bodies that house us through so many phases and changes. And pleasure can even be an act of rebellion against the destructive messages that tell us we ought to dry up and blow away on the wind – a defiant “I’m still here!”

Even apart from the mental and emotional benefits of pleasure, sexual intimacy post-menopause has physical effects. Arousal brings juicy blood flow to the vaginal tissues that are prone to thinning and atrophy in the absence of estrogen. And clitoral stimulation, sexual fantasy, and penetration keep vaginal skin healthy, improve its elasticity and natural lubrication, and can boost levels of androgens and other hormones. You don’t even need a partner to enjoy these benefits! A fulfilling masturbation practice grounds us, centers us, and keeps us connected with our core selves, alongside the demonstrable benefits to our changing bodies.