Most couples, especially those in long-term relationships, want to improve intimacy. When a relationship is new and fresh, passion is more fiery and everything is exciting. But as couples stay together longer, the flame has a tendency to begin to lose its heat.

1.    HARMONIOUS SE#UAL PASSION VS OBSESSIVE SEXUAL PASSION

In order to better understand how intimacy works and what makes it good, let’s take a look at science. Specifically, let’s talk about the research done by Robert Vallerand, Frédérick Philippe, and their team.

HARMONIOUS SEXUAL PASSION

The kind of sexual passion that is best for a relationship is known as harmonious sexual passion. Simply put, this variety of passion is harmonious with all other aspects of the relationship. This allows that passion to integrate seamlessly into a couple’s lives, and it does not create conflict with other aspects of a relationship.

Supposedly, those who practice this form of sexual passion are able to enjoy spontaneous and less inhibited intimacy with their partner or partners. This also leads to lesser conflict overall and can prevent intrusive passionate thoughts. These individuals also improve their times of intimacy because they have positive control over their typical intimacy drive.

OBSESSIVE SEXUAL PASSION

So, you now know about the good type of sexual passion. But what’s the less favorable one? This is known as obsessive sexual passion. Essentially, this stems from sexualities that are not easily integrated with other aspects of self and the lives of those in relationships.

2.    OPENNESS AND HONESTY

Of course, the effort to improve intimacy is about more than just what you do in the bedroom or how you think about intimacy. Often, the state of a relationship’s intimate life has roots in the overall health of the partnership.

A good, healthy relationship involves honesty and openness. This includes feeling safe being vulnerable with each other. You should be able to talk about serious or frightening issues. Some examples are:

• Financial management
• Parents and families-in-law
• Having and raising children
• Emotional baggage
• Controversial thoughts and opinions
• Wants and needs
• Sexual fantasies
• Finding compromise
• Death

3.    COMMUNICATE ABOUT INTIMACY TO IMPROVE INTIMACY

Many couples make the mistake of assuming their partner should inherently know how to please them in bed. These types of assumptions are exactly what cause dissatisfaction in the bedroom.

There also seems to be the idea that giving instructions during intimacy is inherently unsexy, but that is far from the case! Think about it, and try not to blush: don’t you like hearing the words “right there,” “so good,” and so on?

While you and your partner are in bed, don’t be afraid to communicate. Take their hand and guide them, showing them how to touch you. Give directions if needed. Your partner can’t please you if they don’t know how. On the other hand, faking enjoyment will tell them that you like all the things that don’t actually work for you.

4.    SWITCH THINGS UP

Even subtle changes to the bedroom can spice things up. For example, you can:

• Introduce a toy
• Try roleplay
• Indulge in fantasies
• Light some candles
• Sprinkle some rose petals
• Wear some sexy lingerie or an alluring outfit
• Give each other massages
• Play some sensual music
• Play a raunchy movie
• Go to a hotel room

You and your partner deserve better than lazy, boring intimacy. Put energy into making it fun and exciting for the both of you!

In addition, switching things up doesn’t just apply to the bedroom. When was the last time you and your partner went on a real adventure? Here are some examples of fun things you can both do that will get your blood pumping and adrenaline rushing:

• Exploring a place you’ve never been
• Eating at a restaurant you’ve never tried
• Setting aside a weekend for a mini-vacation
• Rock climbing
• Rafting
• Skydiving
• Hiking
• Buying new things for your home
• Playing games together
• Going dancing

5.    DIET AND EXERCISE

Your lifestyle and overall health always affect your intimate life. If you and your partner spend a lot of time gorging on pizza and junk food, or if you’ve both gotten out of shape, this could play a role in your intimacy.

That’s right, intimacy is about more than just positive thinking. Your state of health can completely change your intimate drive and that side of life. So if you need a reason to work out, this is a fairly good one. Exercising together can make you closer and is an active effort you can both make for positive change.