1.    ISOLATION FROM YOUR FAMILY OR FRIENDS

Each person in a relationship should have their own lives outside of the partnership – friends, family, or any other kind of social group that is separate from their partner’s. They should not be made to feel like they have to cut themselves off and rely on their partner alone. This is extremely unhealthy and leads to codependency.

2.    LACK OF PRIDE IN YOUR OWN SUCCESS

Partners are supposed to support each other and lift each other up. They are supposed to celebrate together and be proud of each other. If your partner is telling you that you shouldn’t or don’t deserve to be proud, or that you should tone it down a notch, that’s a big red flag.

It’s important that you are aware of the difference between a reasonable request and a controlling, manipulative one. That way, you can catch any harmful ones and nip them in the bud before they grow out of control.

3.    FORGIVENESS FOR TOXIC BEHAVIORS

No partner is perfect. At some point, your partner will slip up and wrong you. But if their immediate reaction when you call them out on the problem is to deflect blame or make excuses, you’re in trouble. A partner like this might say things like:

• I didn’t mean to do it! Can’t you just forget it, already?
• Come on, it’s not a big deal. Let it go.
• You made me do this!

4.    TO BE IN THE MIDDLE

You’re not your partner’s errand-servant. You’re not there to solve their problems on your own so they can avoid them. If a partner continuously asks you to take on a middleman role, tread carefully. Here are a couple of situations where you might find yourself in the middle.

A)    PICKING SIDES

A partner may get into a disagreement with someone you know and force you to pick a side. While you will likely support your partner because of your loyalty to them, the choice should still be up to you in the end and you shouldn’t be pressured into agreeing with them.

B)    PASSING MESSAGES

Does your partner ask you to help them communicate with their friends or family members? Are you constantly asked to be the one to pass messages to others on their behalf, so they don’t have to face the consequences? This simply isn’t fair on you.

5.    QUITTING OR CHANGING YOUR JOB

Some partners may feel insecure about the fact that you earn more or similar to them. Conversely, if you earn less than them, they may think negatively of you for not earning enough. Either way, these are toxic thoughts to have – and when acted on, they are especially damaging.